Along with starting Camp Nanowrimo on April 1st (an intensive 30 day novel writing adventure), I also started a writing class, Writing 101, here at WordPress. Methinks I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, or should that be write? Nevertheless, I press on in hopes of reaching the finish line with more knowledge than I had at the beginning of these adventures. If nothing else comes of it, I will have made some new friends because I am a friendly, caring, and somewhat happy person despite the chaos in my life. I don’t like chaos. As a matter of fact I downright hate it! It gives me headaches, heart palpitations, sweaty palms, and a general feeling of fear. Fear of failure, fear of disapproval, fear of disappointing those who expect much of me. I also hate letting people down. I’ve let a lot of people down in my life, and that disturbs me. It frustrates me and makes me sad. I hate having left things undone or unsaid. Especially things unsaid. That has happened more times than I care to remember. It happened when Tanya died. We’d been estranged for years, probably over something totally juvenile and stupid, but I can’t right the wrong or work things out with her now. A man I love I let slip through my fingers because I wasn’t brave enough to say, “look at me, don’t you know I love you, and don’t want to live my life without you?” Good thing is, we’re still friends, and I know I can call on him if I need him, and he would come running to help me. Or at least I’d like to think that. But maybe it’s all an illusion….maybe I’m just hoping against hope. Maybe I’m too hard on myself and expect too much of myself thinking that’s what others expect of me. Maybe I should say to heck with what everyone else thinks of me and expects of me and just do what I feel is right. But I can’t do that….