Dear Friends,
Now for the good stuff…. the progress on my novel….
The title has changed from “Bethie’s Place” to “The Hensel House”. It’s still set in the Old West (circa Civil War era) and the story revolves around a dilapidated boarding house that has been bequeathed to the main character from her grandmother.
Now dear friends, I need your help. I’m torn between these two versions as the opening of my novel. Please let me know which one grabs you to want to read more.
Version 1: The boarding house had fallen into disrepair, and looked nothing like the tintypes her grandmother had sent her many years ago. The life blood that once traveled through The Hensel House had drained out onto the dusty road beneath her feet.
Version 2: Grandma was gone. It was as if the boarding house had died along with her.
Love and blessings to you all!
“Bethie”
Version 2. And what you wrote for version 1 could be added to version 2.
Version 1 grabs me. It leaves me wondering what the house was like in its heyday and what changed.
Version 2.
Version Two, definitely
I’m a little behind here. Hopefully the appointment went well.
I vote for Version 2. While Version 1 is great, Version 2 makes me want to keep reading to find out who Grandma was. Best of luck!
I like version two best – it grabs me as an opening should – but you could probably use most of version one further down the page.
It’s the 17th August, and you posted this on 11th July. are you ok?
My dear Jane — Thank you so much for checking up on me! The last month has been a whirlwind of activity, between doctor appointments, new medications, continuing on the road to recovery, and of course, first and foremost, MasterClass and working on my novel. Rest assured, my friend, I’m doing okay and will be posting in the next few days! š
That’s such a relief! I have been distracted over the last month; unable to concentrate on posts, and also without the internet for some of that time, so it took me a while to realise that you hadn’t posted anything recently, but last night I suddenly became really concerned about you.
Thank you for replying so promptly, and puttung my mind at ease. x